|WELCOME TO MY PAGE SANE PEOPLE!!!|
|WELCOME TO MY PAGE SANE PEOPLE!!!|
You know what, I'm done.. I am done with all of you people. I have not been on because these last few months just have not been the best for me, and half of you guys are out there bitching to me about my lack of replying! Knock it the fuck off! I'm sick of all this bullcrap you guys are putting me through just because I'm not getting on and talking to you!
And then you all go and tell me that I'm ignoring you because your a pathetic pile of shit and shouldn't live! What the fucking hell gave you the idea I even THOUGHT those?! Huh?!
Cut me a bit of slack will you?!
This is not directed to one person, this is to FAR more then just one god damned person!
I am having a lot of family and friend issues along with problems with myself and the things around me. Adding on the stress from my pets.
Sure! I suppose I will since you guys are just going to give me shit and make me want to just deactivate my account to avoid the cyber bullying that I am receiving from you guys!
Family: My mother is still living in Bullhead, an hour and a half away from where I live, Kingman. We found out that her new husband has cheated on her, and has been getting REALLY pissy and drinking a lot. He isn't safe to be around, he broke my door down, he broke the cars windshield and kicked down the mailbox. Plus the fact that I do not get along with the both of them to well makes it worse, aslongside the fact that I NEVER want to go there again.
My aunt has been getting abused by her boyfriend, which out of her three children, two belong to him. He is a smoker of weed and marijuana and drinks a lot. He Is verbally abusive to her and her daughters, and my ENTIRE family.
My dad has found a girl that he really likes, but she lives in Idaho, we might be moving there in a few years, away from all my friends and family and where I was born and grew up.
My siblings, all step brothers, four of them, have been getting on my nerves. I do not get along with them AT ALL, and it makes my stay with my mom in bullhead terrible. My moms new husband has a son which is now my step brother, I cannot stand him, being a two year old who does not take NO for an answer.
My brothers dad, the fives, has gotten married to some chick, he is a player, the girl has two children, a boy and a girl. They hate me, but a reason I cannot discover.
My grandfather has passed away a few days ago, almost nine days ago, making my emotional limits low. The emotions from when my Aunt passed away five years ago and my grandmothers dog being put down a year ago raises these emotions.
My mother has been going through a lot of surgery because of Tumors in her gut and growing to close to vital organs. My grandfather, the brother of the one who passed away, twins, has no bones in his toes and fingers, making EVERYTHING difficult, he recently had surgery over his intestines going between two muscles and causing pain.
Freinds: I have discovered that the friends I have at my middle school, are fairly better then the ones near my home. They share more qualities and traits with me. The ones outside, have been growing further and further away from me.
My close friend, almost sister, has moved to Phoenix, and will never be coming back or visiting. I miss her a lot and its like I have lost part of my own head. She even managed to get herself grounded so she could not come back for a visit. I have not hung out with these friends in such a long time, nearly a year, its almost like we don't even know each other.
I'm losing friends hour by hour, day by day, month by month. It does not go as far as a year.
Myself: I have not been feeling to well recently. Constant dry throats and swallowing pain because of Strep Throat. Finding out that I have Sinus Infection has made my feelings even worse, waking up each day with one nostril DRY, and the other leaking yellow and red or clotting. I have been putting myself down over every mistake that I make, whether expected or not expected.
Eating has become worse as well, I do not take in a lot of food a day, A small breakfast in the morning, and a small dinner near bed. Its unhealthy but I feel sick around food, smelling it, seeing it, even thinking about it.
Crying is more of a daily thing for me now, I have not cried so much since I was five, and when I was five, I was worried about things that I shouldn't be worried about, all because of my mom. She was always telling me about how we never had enough money and could not afford much food. I even feared death at that age.
Because of what my mother put me through, telling me that we will all die in pain, I grew more mature then most others my age, acting at least a year older then I really am, but remaining full of energy.
I put myself through pain, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional.
When I am upset, I put myself through a short frenzy, but only at home. I slam myself into walls, hit desks, knock over chairs, throw things around, ect. I have a feeling that I have a case of some sort of Anger issues.
At times I put myself down, saying how stupid I was when I messed up on something. Even putting myself with words that should not be directed towards myself, nor anyone else for that matter.
Other times, I think of things I should not, things that happened in the past, and thinking of the bad things that could come in the future. This puts me into a state of sadness and want to be alone and silent. Mostly these thoughts consist of deaths in the past or idea's of what could happen in the future with deaths, thinking of my own reactions to them.
I do not put myself into these states when in public, or at another family's house or freinds house. I try my best to hold back any anger or sadness, though sometimes it comes out without my control like a waterfall.
Things Around Me: Sometimes, no, All the time, my computer glitches up, and it makes me upset, including the internet, when it slows down, messes up my typing and clicking or even exits my window or video.
I get stressted over the sinks if they drip, the door when it opens with the wind, the doggy door when it gets stuck, the lights when they flicker, power goes out, can't find what I am looking for, drop something, spill something, trip over something ect.
My mouse for the computer likes to slow down as well, taking forever to get an inch across the screen and when it shows up, its on the other side of my computer.
When I am at home, I can't focus on one thing, its always my mind just being relaxed till I think of something, then all havoc breaks lose and I am no longer myself.
Pets: I have a lot of animals, or at least in my view. Three cats, and two dogs, all female. One dog, a Miniature Dachshund, is my little girl. She is playful and everything you could ask for. Except she is not house trained. She is constantly pissing everywhere, or taking craps. Today she struck my bell when I found pee on the new bathroom rugs, I grabbed her in an angry way to punish her, and she bit me. That was the first time I hit her. I sent her rolling over the ground and into the wall. I picked her up, and stuck her face in it, slapping her again before tossing her outside and blocking the doggy door. Not really tossing, just putting outside.
I feel like an animal abuser now. I've had her for nearly four and a half years, and still not potty trained. The reason... BECAUSE MY FUCKING MOM TRAINED HER ON FLAT MATS IN THE HOUSE.
Widget, our Sharpei is perfect, house trained non-aggresive and over friendly. She LOVES people, very nice, nudges your hand to pet her, sleeps near you. When I have friends over she will cycle around between us when we sleep as our nighttime protector. She can get annoying when you dont want to pet her though, she sits on your feet and leans on you and if your laying down she'll jump up and lay on you.
Our Tabby, Murf is a FAT cat. She can jump anywhere but likes to get where there are a lot of things, stretch out, and push them off to the ground. She lays in the middle of the walkway until you trip, then she runs ahead and lays down again to wait for a repeat.
There is Spazz, our long haired Mane Coon. She is sweet and calm, but likes to beg for food. She likes to jump on things and get in your face, sniffing your mouth and nose. She gets on the table and dives for your plate if it has something you like.
Our third cat, Fizzles, is a Calico and Siamese mix, mostly Siamese though. There is nothing bad with her, she's shy and stays out of the way, also silent. She avoids everyone and everything.
I hope this explains whatever the hell your trying to get from me! Because if your looking for a reason to start a fight, you can just go fuck off, for all I care, you can track me down and leave feeling sore.
Now will you people leave me be?! Quit harrassing me!
This is my rant and my profile! If you do not like the fact that I am trying to solve the fact that you dickholes are bullying me, then do me a fucking favor and unwatch me! Block me! Do something just leave me the fucking hell alone!!
I spent all fucking last night writing this and almost all of the time that I have been awake today! Now you just go off and try to make me feel sorry for your problems and that you are putting yourself down saying that you should be dead and not exist or be alive! I'm not going to work on making you people feel better or even try to help you if your just going to complain to me and push me away when I try to make you feel better and give you suggestions!
All of you people who have been harrassing me, expect to be ignored and blocked immedietely!
For those of you who are not these people, congratulations! You've just learned how much of an asshole I can be when I'm ticked!
I'm sorry if I do seem like one, but I'm just done!